A Lovely Whirl
by LilyBartAndTheOthers
Summary: Obvious sequel to A Dizzy Whirl. A special thank you to my beta reader, Miss H.
1. The Fragility of her Heart

Let's just come backwards if you don't mind; when our two heroes had decided to put an end to their secret affair, ignoring the strength of their feelings and the harsh despair they would suffer from. Anyway we all know that this story will close on a happy end, no matter what happens between the few months that separate us from this final and inevitable moment. Karen will give birth to a healthy child, boy or girl, and she will spend the rest of her life smiling in Will's arms; realizing for the very first time how everything can be bright. She deserves it after all. Could she really keep on drinking just to make the whole scene fuzzy and so, a bit more acceptable? Obviously it didn't work that well and her sorrow was taking possession of her mind little by little. She needed a change; that's why she got trapped into the dizzy whirl of a love story and dared to move forward, with Will.

She left New York while a fine veil of rain was falling over the city; an ocean of tears over her heart. Somehow she was glad that Rosario was already in Asia and so she had to travel alone. At least nobody but perfect strangers could assist the funeral of her soul; she was dying without Will. Closing her eyes in a vain attempt to escape from the wrong reality she was living, she tried to understand her choices, the meaning of her existence. But every second passing by only managed to get her mind confused and she frowned under a subtle headache invading her brain while Manhattan was vanishing on her back. She was carrying on the weight of past vows and the responsibility for saving her marriage, her life with Stanley. Who was Will in this story? She moaned in silence and leaned against the window; biting her lower lip, frowning. He was just a friend and would always be.

The boredom of her routine had led her to a dangerous game where the flesh got mixed with the sensuality of some caresses; the false comfort of a smile and the feeling we're alive. She just needed some company, the warmth of a soul nodding to her wonders and easing her insecurities. It's not that she liked lying to herself though it seemed easier to pretend and keep that way.

"Would you like a drink, Mrs Walker?"

She turned and looked at the flight attendant but didn't say a word.

"Are you okay, Mrs Walker?"

"Yes I am, thank you."

Karen's voice was a whisper, a fragile note of sadness in the emptiness of her broken heart. She put a hand on her forehead and sighed.

"So would you like to drink something?"

She shook her head and grabbed the blanket, covering her lonely body with the impersonal piece of fabric. "No, thank you. I'm just going to have a rest. I'm tired."

Of course she never managed to fall asleep, not even a second. Her mind focused on Will, on his hands, his lips; the way he used to kiss her temple and caress her hair in the darkness of the bedroom. All of a sudden the slightest detail reminded her of him as if her ex-lover's essence had infiltrated every single cell of the universe and she would never be able to forget about them. Subconsciously a smile lit up her face as she began to think about him. She settled further into her seat, rocked by the warmness of the blanket, and made love to Will in the purest need of her heart and the most painful idea it would only take place in her head, now.

At this exact moment Karen's body was in turmoil, working as it had never done before. The sharpness of her sorrow darkened the amazingly perfect action of nature; a kind of magical fusion symbolizing the mystery of life, the creation of a child. Completely unaware of this fact, she was mourning a beloved past, a quiet one; her brain fighting with the paradoxical action of her own body, the neuralgic point of her life. Her mind was pushing her to draw a line under Will while her cells were building this new entity; a part from her, a part from him. And the first steps into motherhood passed unnoticed. She was missing her biggest dream.

The hours became heavy and unbearable in the restrained area of the plane. She needed to go for a walk, under the moon, and think about nothing; just take a deep breath of fresh air that would prove to her lungs she hadn't died yet. She glanced at her watch, 3am. Privilege of the first class or simple whim of her heart, she grabbed the private phone corresponding to her seat and dialed a number in the darkness of the plane. One; two; three. She gasped when he answered the call. Somehow she would have preferred to go straight on the answering machine but his voice appeared like the first and unique hopeful moment she had got since the beginning of the trip. She closed her eyes and huddled up against herself, turning her back to the woman sat next to her. Then, in a stifled moan of cries, she sighed and murmured weakly on the receiver.

"I miss you so much… Come with me, please."

His sobs broke down her last effort to keep on pretending and she burst into tears in the silence of the plane; lost among a crowd of sleeping souls, relieved and safe.

"I need you, Will."

"I need you too, Karen."


	2. Home sweet home

She stepped out of the plane with a firm line closing her lips. Her features seemed to have deepened during the flight, getting colder and sad. She put on her sunglasses to protect her blank gaze from the powerful sun of some middle of the day. Its warmth was moist over her heart, heavy. She sighed and felt the tears reach the edge of her eyes but she swallowed them back as Rosario waved at her a few steps away. The airport was crowded and she couldn't help but feel lost in spite of the presence of her maid. People were talking a strange idiom, she didn't look like them. And for the very first time in her life, Karen got the sensation she had finally understood the concept of error. She didn't match with the scene and would never do, no matter what her efforts.

"How was the flight, Miss Karen?"

She shuddered and raised her eyebrows in a careless motion before looking down, waiting silently for the next move. Clutched desperately to her purse the eloquence of her gestures and the self-confidence of her attitude seemed to have been buried and forgotten for a very long while, if only they had really existed once.

"Would you like to see the city? Mr. Stanley won't be home before this evening."

"No. I just want to go to bed." She had stayed perfectly still, whispering her bitter wish in the most neutral voice that had ever been heard. The daylight came to rest on her skin, emphasizing the paleness of her complexion and the blue of her veins; she looked like a ghost, a sort of lifeless body.

"Sure! You must be jetlagged. Come with me. Do you want some aspirin? You seem to have a headache."

"It's a heartache, Rosie."

But the maid had already made her way through the crowd and Karen's statement got lost into the cacophony of the airport; the strange combination of sounds that Thai required. She had never liked Asia for its lack of references.

The ride in limousine passed unnoticed. As soon as Karen sat on the leather backseat of the car, she closed her eyes and didn't say a word. She grabbed the martini that Rosario was holding to her, by pure politeness; even the smell of alcohol made her feel sick. Sighing heavily she put down the tumbler and huddled up against herself but very soon the melancholy of her heart took possession of her body and she began to shake; stifling the sobs to avoid Rosario's attention. The traffic was dense downtown and her burning sickness suddenly turned into a fit of rage; a ridiculous one, hateful and disproportionate.

"Couldn't we go faster for Christ's sake?! Shit!"

She wouldn't speak again before her husband coming back home in the evening. She stepped lazily out of the limousine when she finally arrived at her new penthouse and went straight to the bedroom, her new one, where she tried to forget about her life; far, far under the blankets where the darkness of her thoughts seemed to vanish silently.

Even if her scientist would have had some doubts about the exactitude of the date, Karen would have always been sure the father of her child was Will. She may have made love with Stanley the day she arrived, she had known the truth right away while learning about her pregnancy. She had been married to him long enough to come to the obvious conclusion that she and Stanley would never have a child together. The causes weren't medical but sentimental; she just didn't love him. This kind of statement used to make her laugh a lot though the day it hit her without any warning, she changed her mind and recognized the importance of feelings; the miracle of conception.

Who would see the difference between a couple of days, anyway? So many women gave birth before they were due that it would pass unnoticed, like all the rest as a matter of fact. She lied to Stanley, hoping for some relief. It only made it worst and she began to feel guilty.

Unable to close her eyes, she left the bedroom for the very first time and wandered through the silent and dark corridors of the flat. Her husband had fallen asleep almost immediately, turning his back to her as he already used to do in New York; no matter the degree of intimacy they had just shared. She always felt so lonely with Stanley, so pointless. The caresses had been automatic, taking off the sexual act the slightest ounce of sweet feeling. She had done it for him, for their marriage. After all she had crossed half of the planet to save their story unless it was too late and only the appearances were left. She stopped by the kitchen and leaned against the window, looking down in the streets of Bangkok; the quietness of the wealthy area where she was living contrasting brightly with the untold nightmare of prostitution downtown. All of a sudden she noticed the phone resting on the counter, a mere inches away from her. The silence of the rooms began to twirl around the urge of her heart and she grabbed the receiver, succumbing to her whim.

What time could it be, there? Karen looked at her watch and realized that her Rolex was still following the rhythm of North America; like her soul. Her fingers slid along the numbers with the same instinct that had taken possession of her a few hours earlier in the plane while passing over The Atlantic but she stopped all of a sudden, just before the last movement that would put her in connection with the rest of the world; with Will.

"It's over now…"

Her own voice resounded sharply in the kitchen as she put down the phone slowly. She bit her lower lip and rushed out as the tears began to fall violently on her cheeks. There wouldn't be work at the office with Grace anymore; there wouldn't be eternal lunches with Jack either and she would never come back into Will's arms under the pale moonlight of a beautiful night. She wouldn't fall in love again, no matter it was like signing for her own death and then put an end to all of her dreams. It was just what she had decided… She turned around and looked blankly at the figure of Stanley sleeping peacefully, unaware of her absence, unaware of everything. She laid down next to him, clenching her fists.

And who cared anyway if in the intimate moments she would spend with Stanley, it would always be Will whom she would keep on picturing instead? It was all in her head and in the emptiness of her soul; the sadness of her days and the regrets of her past


	3. Maliwan

At the beginning she saw it as a logical consequence to her sorrow, the feeling of abandon and the fear to have been wrong. It was another continent, another culture and Karen would need time to find her marks if only she actually really did. There was nothing less sure. Her jetlag flew over the weeks and seemed to install itself upon her frail shoulders. The slightest effort reduced her strength to an absolute zero and so she always ended up going back to her bed, sighing heavily against the smooth pillows. The morning sickness was just another effect in which her pain took its entire splendor and delighted itself making her throat sore and her eyes shine under the continuous tears running on her face. She began to lose weight but didn't really care. She had died the day her plane had landed there, somewhere in Asia, in the middle of some unfriendly country where the expensive cars passing quietly in the streets only reduced to silence the atrocity of a hidden reality. A month passed by, then another one; and it's when Karen's heart began to wonder about her own health.

Sat on the edge of the bathtub, she turned the pages of her agenda over and over, anxiety winning over her nerves. The fury of her feelings contrasted with the concentration of her mind; the seriousness of her features and the permanent mumbling of her voice, counting the days meticulously. Four weeks were okay but eight? She bit her lower lip, looking up for the first time. Her eyes caught up her reflection in the mirror and she observed her face with attention. Her skin was paler than ever though there was still some hope behind her eyes and the subtle alliance of those two antithetic characteristics gave her a unique beauty, halfway between the strangeness of the unknown and the magic of idealism. A soft knock on the door made her jump and she let her agenda fall down on the floor.

"Are you okay, Karen?"

"Yes! Yes, I am. I'm okay, Stanley."

She cleared her voice and picked up her notebook, opening the door and smiling at her husband; a bit breathless though, and unsure. Stanley passed a hand around her waist and kissed her cheek, heading both of them towards the library.

"Good because I don't like the idea of my wife being sick for her birthday! So how is it to turn…"

"It's okay! It's just a year more, honey."

Karen made a face to herself in front of the total lack of conviction of her voice. She could already see her chance to get an Oscar vanishing very fast after such a ridiculous scene. She joined the rest of the guests and pretended to enjoy the evening, her own party. Speaking about stupidity… She was supposed to be the queen of the celebration that night though apart from Stanley and Rosario, she knew nobody. A few words to a couple and she saw her agenda resting on a table in the corridor. Karen smiled, politely, then looked down before getting lost in her thoughts. She would go to the American hospital in the morning.

Another week flew over her life; seven days of analyze, observation of Stanley's movements, his simplest gestures. She had to tell him about the baby, this child she was carrying on. And although she would raise him, or her, with her husband, it was the most precious gift she had ever received from Will. She had been so happy when she had learned about the results of the test that she had wanted to call him immediately though the distance between their hearts reminded her it was over now and she had to go on alone, no matter how she could miss him. But how do you announce a pregnancy to the wrong person? It required time and a high dose of lies.

She grabbed a glass of water and went to sit down on a sofa. From there she would be able to look blankly at the crowd of guests coming and going, ignoring her deliberately until they got to know who she was supposed to be. It was disgusting. She put her feet up on the velvet seat, caressing subconsciously her dress. They were celebrating some religious event, the life or death of a king, unless it was a god, she wasn't sure; Rama, perhaps. In an attempt of respect and curiosity she had decided to wear the traditional outfit, a satin dress that reminded her of Saigon and a couple of other black and white movies. She wasn't the daughter of an ambassador though years of experience had taught her about this kind of thing and even if she didn't feel at home in Asia, she didn't want to be disrespectful and that's why she was wearing the sari.

"Congratulations for the baby, Mrs. Walker."

Surprised by the unexpected and a bit mysterious comment, Karen turned her head and faced a young Thai boy. According to his features, he mustn't be older than fourteen. She frowned, confused about his words but finally decided to smile and so she winced at him.

"Call me Karen."

She tended her hand and the boy shook it gladly.

"I'm Maliwan."

"How do you know about the baby?"

The boy shrugged, looking at the guests. "I can see it, I always do."

Karen couldn't help but laugh in front of the boy's attitude. Who was he to have so much self-confidence? It was funny but spooky somehow and Maliwan guessed it.

"Don't be worried, Karen, I won't tell it to him." He pointed Stanley. "That's your job, not mine. What's his name?"

"Stanley."

Maliwan laughed. "No, not him! I know Mr. Walker's first name! My mother works for him. No, I mean the father of the baby, the man you're in love with."

Karen froze and was about to throw a fit when she finally abdicated. She looked down, swallowing back her tears.

"His name is Will. He is…"

"Not here."

"No, he's not."

"Then what are you doing here? Life is too short, Miss K."

The unexpected but sweet nickname made Karen smile but the mere thought of Will imposed a veil of sadness over her heart. "And what does your mother do for us?"

"She works for the laundry department. She doesn't get a lot of baht but she does her best."

"What's your school again?"

Maliwan laughed, shaking his head. Then he turned his face to Karen and plunged his dark eyes in hers. "School is over for me now, I'm thirteen!"

"Then what do you do?"

"I work."

"Where?"

"With my sisters, in the streets." And all of a sudden the boy's features lost the innocence and youth he had been carrying on as Karen's blood got icy in her veins. The heavy silence seemed to last forever until Stanley arrived and Maliwan went away immediately. Karen padded the sofa and made some room for her husband though she didn't think it twice and did when the anger on Stanley's face got mixed with the motion he wanted her to be standing on her feet. Grabbing her arm, he leaned over and hissed.

"What the hell are you doing talking to the help? You're humiliating me!"

She wouldn't have been able to say if it was the frustration of being so far from everything, the terrible feeling she had ruined her life while coming there, her unexpected pregnancy or the anger against herself; unless it was a mix of all these things; but Karen clenched her fists and, putting a subconscious protective hand on her stomach, defied her husband's gaze in a low and icy voice.

"He's just a kid, Stanley."

"But he's not American."

"And so what? He's rubbish? You're disgusting."

Karen rushed out the room without needing to feign anything; this time she really felt sick. She reached her bedroom and, closing the door behind her, she slid along it before sitting on the floor, bursting into tears. It wasn't anger or frustration, no; it was just humanity.


	4. I do it for you, for them, for us

Karen didn't manage to fall asleep that night, her brain focusing on Maliwan's confession and the way he had to earn his life. She wondered briefly why she had been so surprised. After all she had always known about sexual tourism and children's existence in Asia though it was different when the words got the shape of an awful truth and you witnessed the tragedy; helpless. She closed her eyes and pretended to be sleeping when Stanley finally made his way to the bed. She was still extremely angry with him and the more she avoided his gaze, the better it would be for everyone. Besides there were more important things going on right now, other priorities that she couldn't ignore or didn't want to, she wasn't sure. She frowned, quietly murmuring Will's name in the dark. We don't need to shout out loud our love in order it to be heard. The purest whisper will always win over the worst anger.

The building Stanley had chosen was extremely American-ish and so Karen found the laundry department easily the next morning, lost at the end of a labyrinth of corridors in the basement. Timidly she poked her head inside the narrow room and observed in silence the women working, a guard supervising them. But very soon Karen's presence stopped passing unnoticed and the three Thai employees looked at her in disbelief. Since when a white woman came down there? Karen cleared her voice nervously and smiled as friendly as she could; the guard was sleeping.

"Who's Maliwan's mom?"

But the women remained quiet, frowning. Obviously they didn't understand English. Karen sighed and bit her lower lip a bit sorry.

"I'm looking for Maliwan… Maliwan? A boy…?"

At that moment the guard finally woke up. "What are you doing here, Miss? This isn't a place for you."

"I'm looking for Maliwan's mother. He's a teenage boy. He told me his mom worked here."

"Then it's Malee." The guard pointed at the woman on the left and asked her to come before turning back to Karen, worried. "Is there something wrong with her, Miss?"

"Oh no! I just… I just want to speak with her. Her son is very nice."

"Then good luck because she doesn't speak English."

"Oh." In front of the guard's coldness and the obstacle of the language, Karen finally excused herself and came back to her penthouse, frustrated. After a couple of hours looking blankly at the floor of her bedroom and pushed by some invisible urge, she rushed in her closet and grabbed a sari.

Malee left the building at 4pm, exactly as Karen had guessed, according to the schedule hung on the door of the laundry. She let the woman make a few steps before following her for an unknown destination. The sun was already going down when Malee finally arrived downtown and stepped into a rickety building. Unsure of what she should do, Karen looked at the façade, a sort of ruin coming from nowhere, then turned around and stared at the dead-end way opposite the street. The night was falling slowly and the first children began to appear, reaching by groups their usual place, more or less strategic: a door, the corner of a street, another dead-end way. It wasn't long before the first few cars stopped, taking away the prostitution whirl; boys and girls who weren't even twelve. Hundreds of kids were now in the streets, holding a bottle in their hands, sat down on the floor.

Karen firstly looked at them with distance and neutrality as if she were in some museum, admiring the work of some photographer. But reality hit her all of a sudden when a little girl grabbed her hand and looked at her seductively. Instinctively Karen put a hand on her stomach and shook her head with strength.

"No… But…"

She tightened the little girl's hand who turned around and smiled back at her. From an inside pocket of her sari, Karen took off a couple of bills.

"Take that…"

"Don't give them money. They will buy drugs with those baht."

The unexpected comment made Karen jump. A group of five people were smiling at her sadly. They were carrying plastic bags and were obviously known to the kids seeing how the girl gave up Karen's hand to rush towards them. A woman took off a sandwich from a bag and gave it to the child.

"Hi, Hansa!"

At this exact moment Karen Walker's life tipped over. Sometimes a minute is enough to change the whole scenery and it's what happened to her that night when she came to meet the association of The Gold Hand of the Sea. She spent the first moment following them sagely, listening to their own experience in the streets of Bangkok and the aim of their organization. They came from Europe, trying to help the kids to get away from prostitution and drugs; to get a real and strong life, as well-balanced as possible. They had just bought an old house a bit farer in the district, a sort of shelter where the project of a school was on track but they lacked money.

"Money? You need money?" Karen stopped as Paul, one of the fundraisers of the Gold Hand confessed their financial problems.

"Of course we do. We always need money. The kids always need money. Look around you."

"Then you will get it tomorrow."

This is how everything began. The next morning Karen signed a check and spent the whole day in the house of the association, visiting the different floors and the work that needed to be done before the first children arriving there. She accepted to be a part of the project though she categorically refused to see her name engraved on the walls.

"Let's just forget about money for once, okay? We are here for the same thing and it's all that matters to me."

Within a week the children of Bangkok used to rush in Karen's arms as soon as she appeared with the others by night, a bag in her hand, giving sandwiches and spending some time with them. One day she saw Maliwan who was working in another district. The boy winced at her while biting into the bread.

"I knew it was only a matter of time, Miss K. How is she?" Karen frowned, confused. "The baby, I mean."

She couldn't help but gasp. What was happening to this boy? One day she would have to ask him about his spooky tricks.

"I'm only two-months pregnant. Even science can't know the sex of the baby. How do you…"

"Ah… Sweet mystery of life…"

"And how come you speak English?"

"Sweet mystery of life, Miss K. You know, this life that is TOO short…"

Karen had been a part of The Gold Hand of the Sea for two weeks when the bloody Tuesday as they would call it, later occurred. Far from being stupid, she knew that the streets of Bangkok were dangerous like hell when the night fell over the city but the company of the other members tended to make her forget about it. They were giving sandwiches in the backstreet of some expensive hotel when she heard the screams, then the gunshots. Instinctively she huddled up against herself and sat on the floor, hidden behind a trashcan. Sophie, an English woman working for The Gold Hand was a few steps away from her and during a furtive moment, perhaps a couple of seconds, both women fed themselves with the fear they could stare in the eyes of each other. Children were running, yelling, while the sirens of ambulances and police cars gave a nightmarish soundtrack to the scene. Without understanding anything, a couple of Thai policemen found her and grabbed her arms as another car of police was taking away Sophie.

"No! There must be a mistake! I'm not guilty!"

"Just security, Miss."

She rushed into the car while the gunshots could still be heard not very far and as one of the policemen was driving fast through the streets, Karen looked by the window the chaos of downtown vanishing slowly.

"Karen?!"

Stanley looked in disbelief at his wife while two policemen were standing next to her in the hallway of the penthouse. Ashamed and vaguely humiliated, she looked down before going away, sighing.

"I'm fine. Don't worry."

To be completely honest, she was in shock, the screams and the gunshots still resounding in her head loudly. She closed her eyes and laid down on the bed, trying to focalize on the relaxing silence of her home though it wasn't long before Stanley came in. She sat up and looked aside, avoiding his gaze. She was sure he was angry.

"Karen, I guess I'm missing something. You know, you made me proud of you when you told me about this organization and all. For once you seemed to be involved in some charity event…"

"It's not an event but their fucking daily routine."

"Don't play with words, not now. Who do you think you are? I didn't try to marry Mother Theresa for God's sake! It's a remarkable thing that you're caring about this because it's not a reason to forget about your personal obligations. I remember you that we were supposed to have dinner with the American ambassador this evening. You weren't there and I had to pretend you were sick. What if he learns the truth?"

"These things happen when we come to lie."

"We are not in New York! You can't do whatever you want whenever you want, here! Do you even realize what it could be for our reputation if people came to know you're making friends with junkies?"

"They are kids, Stan! I can't just give them money and be proud of myself when I see them right in the street below dying of starvation and prostituting themselves to get money! It could be your own children!"

"I take care of my children."

"Yes? And how? Moving to another continent?"

"I send them what they need."

Karen laughed bitterly and nodded. "Then fine. At least I'm glad to know the baby I'm expecting won't lack of money!"

She froze and regretted it immediately. Closing her eyes she put a hand on her forehead, the heavy silence provoked by her unexpected confession weighing a lot suddenly.

"What?..." Stanley's voice was a whisper, an inaudible sound escaping from his heart. Karen looked at him, raising her eyebrows, swallowing back her tears.

"Surprise! Now leave me alone, please."

"Oh, Kare…"

She clenched her fists and looked at him coldly. "I said, leave me alone, Stanley."

Her husband left the room and she burst into tears. She had come to this country in order to save her marriage but she had even ruined the announcement of her pregnancy. She laid down and huddled up in a protective attempt to escape from her painful soul. Just because she was angry with her own choices didn't mean she had to be awful with everyone, especially Stanley. What had she done? She closed her eyes and let the sobs rock her. She had never missed Will so badly.

The phone woke her up the next morning. Opening slowly her eyes, Karen realized that a headache had infiltrated her body and she was exhausted. Lord knows why she answered the call though.

"Karen? It's Sophie."

At the sound of her friend's voice, she sat up right away, forgetting about her own pain.

"How are you?"

"I'm okay though… Hum… I just came back to the house. Tukata was here when I arrived. Karen…"

"What?" Sophie's voice was scaring her.

"Hansa and Kalaya were killed last night."

The violence of the news hit Karen's mind very slowly. It took her several seconds to connect the words to their meanings. The nature did its work and anxiety took possession of her. "Where is Maliwan?"

"He's nowhere to be seen."

Is it possible to die twice? There's nothing less sure though it's exactly what Karen felt at this exact moment. Very slowly she put down the receiver and plunged into a mourning lethargy. Stanley sent her a present in the afternoon. She opened the box and looked blankly at the diamond necklace. She shook her head, sick of everything.

She spent a whole week in bed refusing to speak, barely eating. Maliwan hadn't come back yet and even if she wasn't as innocent as a child, she was still hoping he would poke his head inside the room at the most unexpected moment and she would sigh, relieved. One day she got a call from Grace; she knew about her and Will. The harsh reminiscence resulted enough to deepen her despair and she began to develop an affection for the darkness. She asked for silence and loneliness and her health was beginning to worry the whole house when a fragile daydream came to embrace her injured soul.

"Life is too short, Miss K."

For the very first time since the incidents, Karen found the strength to get up, repeating Maliwan's words over and over in her head. She put on Thai pants and matching top before coming back to The Gold Hand of the Sea. The sun was shining when she pushed the door of the house and five kids rushed in her arms. She squatted down, smiling.

_I'll do it for you, Will; for our baby; for Maliwan; for me. For the kids._


	5. Time to get your own life

Every day Karen went to The Gold Hand of the Sea and took part with the others, in the various works of rehabilitation the place needed. They had received the new furniture a few weeks before and so twenty children could already live there. Of course it wasn't enough but they would need time before getting everything ready and on track. According to Paul, twenty children more would find a bed there and forty more would be able to attend the school and have decent meals every single day. Following a pure logic, they had decided to accept in priority the youngest ones though they never separated a family. Thus, if an older sister or brother was going around, the kid would get a place too. The rooms were narrow but four beds could easily fit in everyone and the lack of intimacy was far from being a problem. As a matter of fact, it developed a bond between the community that all the children were looking for; the feeling to belong at last to a real family.

Karen's personal changes only slid smoothly along her new preoccupations. During all those previous years, she had never brushed the concept of necessity and work though now she was facing another reality, the weight of responsibilities gave her courage and determination to do a perfect job. She put a lot of effort in painting the walls, taking care of the garden, discovering the city and the life of Bangkok. She had even made a pact with Maliwan and while the boy would go to school to get a decent job then, she would gladly be his student and learn Thai. Very quickly Karen found herself able to communicate with the rest of the population and the obstacles of her differences slowly faded away. Perhaps the official announcement of her pregnancy to Stanley played a determining role in her day-to-day life, she couldn't really tell actually, though she began to pay more and more attention to the baby she was carrying. She was almost five-months pregnant now and the curves of her body had adopted the shapes of a coming motherhood that couldn't pass unnoticed. Whenever she found herself alone, at the end of the day or in the middle of the afternoon, she used to sit down and, putting a hand on her stomach, started speaking in silence; to Will, to their child, both perhaps. She needed to share her experiences, it was the only way to take some distance with them and bear their sad reality.

_I went to Pat Khlong Talat this morning. It's an outdoor market where thousands of flowers caress our eyes lovingly. Their __colors are bright and the multitude of human bodies walking slowly through the rows match with the scene to perfection. It's like a rainbow of life, a sweet contrast with the darkness of the streets when the night falls down and the nightmare begins. Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine you're holding my hand. I would like so much for you to be there, with me. And so you would understand me; not like __Stanley__. You can't realize anything if you don't really see it. A few days ago I went with Sophie to the Wat Phra Kaeo royal temple. A little girl was there, on her knees. At first we thought she was praying but very soon it seemed obvious she was dying, there, in the middle of the crowd. And nobody cared. I lived in a total ignorance of this harsh reality for years though now you can trust me, Will. You can rely on me. You offered me the most precious gift I could have ever dreamed about and I will take care of it. Our child will know about humanity._

The relationship with Stanley had turned into a confusing silence and care. He had never been so sweet, so nice; but Karen couldn't help feeling guilty. It wasn't fair for him. She was sat on her bed one evening, talking to Grace over the phone. Fidgeting her hair subconsciously, she was looking blankly at the floor.

"I miss Will…"

Karen rolled her eyes to swallow back her tears but stopped all of a sudden when she noticed Stanley standing in the doorframe. She stared at his face and observed his expressionless features. He left the room. She didn't even bother to go after him. They didn't need any explanation. The sincerity of her voice and the bitterness of her confession had been clear enough. So its how it has to end isn't it? Karen sighed and passed a hand over her stomach in a beloved motion. Stanley moved to another bedroom that night and against all expectations but following a pure logic, they both felt relieved.

Karen winced at Maliwan and sat down next to him on the bench of the garden. The Gold Hand of the Sea was celebrating the end of the work and the official launch of the house. The children had prepared songs and dances, balloons and tinsels were hanging everywhere like a multicolored rainbow of hope for the future. Even Stanley had come, gladly accepting Karen's invitation. They had never got on well so much since the day they had put a quiet and implicit end to their relationship and he couldn't help but feel proud of what Karen had done there with the kids.

"How's the little girl?"

Karen laughed, leaning backwards against the trunk of a tree. She rolled her eyes behind her sunglasses and shook her head but very soon she looked at Maliwan with seriousness.

"How can you be sure of all these things? Do you have…"

"Visions? Hey, I'm not a junkie!"

Karen smiled bitterly under the boy's lie. She had seen him too often to know more about it.

"I don't see things. It's all about feelings. And I can feel the tears running on your cheeks." His fingers slowly brushed Karen's face, following the transparent path of her pain. "Why do you stay here, Miss K?"

Karen looked down and shrugged, whispering. "I can't leave now… I can't give you up…"

"You don't give us up. You will never give us up. Look around you, look all the things you did for us; for you. Damn, you sold your clothes and wear Thai pants now!"

Karen laughed. "There's nothing more comfortable when you're pregnant, that's all! For real! You can adapt the waist size… It's… Well, it's just perfect!"

"You didn't help us, Miss K but gave us a life. Now we have to take care of it by ourselves. And it's time for you to get your own one."

Karen put her sunglasses up on her head and plunged her eyes in Maliwan's ones, the tears glimmering through her gaze. The emotion was too strong and she didn't say a word, unable to speak.

"You're almost six-months pregnant. Very soon it will be too late and you won't be allowed to travel anymore. How about Will?"

"Shan shob…"

"Chai… Mai kau jai! You made us happy, Miss K. Now it's your turn. Shok dii."

Maliwan stood up and left Karen alone, he knew she needed it. The sun warmed up her face and she closed her eyes, biting her lower lip.

_I need you, Will._

The baby kicked.

Shan shob: I love him

Chai… Mai kau jai! : Yes… But I don't get it!

Shok dii: good luck


	6. Here I am

"Passengers for the flight 234 to New York JFK can board now gate 7."

Karen cleared her voice nervously and stood up, raising her eyebrows to Sophie and Maliwan. The boy's words had made their way through her brain and as they had reached her heart. She had understood where her real life was; with whom. She grabbed her rucksack, the presents that the children of The Gold Hand of the Sea had given to her a couple of hours earlier when she had come to say good-bye weighing a lot in it, and shrugged.

"Well… I guess I have to go, now…"

She looked at Sophie and hugged her tight.

"Don't forget the kids, Karen."

She laughed, some sadness in her voice. "Oh I won't. I promise I won't."

Then, very slowly, she turned around and faced Maliwan. He was supposed to be at school right now though he had insisted to be present until the last moment and Karen couldn't have refused it. She bit her lower lip and winced, preventing the tears from falling on her face. Nobody could even imagine all the things she owed to this teenage boy. He had come into her life all of a sudden while she was simply dying. He had saved her soul and given hope to her dreams. She took him in her arms, closing her eyes.

"Oh honey… I already miss you."

"Not as much as Will!"

Karen couldn't help but laugh. She took a deep breath, smiling; then plunged her eyes in his. She wanted to keep everything in mind, the slightest detail of his features; the beauty of his soul because even though she was about to spend the rest of her life with Will, she would always need Maliwan, for some mysterious reasons. She was addicted to him.

"Oh… This is for you, Miss K."

The boy tended her a sheet of newspapers. Karen unfolded it and gasped when she saw the bangles. They were made of silver, a very fine one.

"Oh… Maliwan…"

"I made them myself. They're seven because this number symbolizes happiness and luck and I intertwined them to emphasize the importance of fusion, like two soul mates; like you and Will."

Karen frowned, putting on the bangles immediately and hugging Maliwan tightly. "I love them, honey! Thank you so much…"

The plane took off, Karen's soul flying between two worlds: Thailand and her renaissance, New York and her love. She was turning her back to the first one though, as she closed her eyes and fell asleep, she got the certitude it didn't mean she would ignore it. It was a part of her life, a part of her own identity and she just couldn't forget it.

Now our flashback to Asia is over, let's go back at the exact moment we had left Will and Karen; as she was coming in his flat, revealing not only her return but also her pregnancy; and her love for this man she had tried to forget, in vain. Let's just come back to the decisive moment when her lips brushed his and she succumbed to arms. This is the second part of their story; when the whirl of their feelings passes from being dizzy to a lovely one.

The warmth of his lips stirred up all these memories she had tried to put aside; a powerful sensation taking possession of her body as she deepened the kiss, smiling in his mouth. His hands on her waist were reassuring and more needed than ever. While her tongue was languorously sliding along his, Karen's heart claimed for passing underneath Will's skin and resting there, forever. She just wanted to be a part of him, to run in his veins and feed herself with his soul. They finally broke apart and she hugged him tightly, closing her eyes, burying her face in his neck. This time she didn't try to restrain anything and let the tears come out in a wave of stifled apologies.

"I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry."

She stayed in Will's arms for a couple of minutes more, unable to move or say something else. Her mind was working as it had never done before, scanning the impressive amount of feelings submerging her heart and connecting them to a more concrete aspect of her life, a geographic situation, its meanings; Will's arms around her. The comfort of his body finally made her plunge her eyes in his, a relieved smile lighting up her face. Then, very slowly, she turned to Grace and Jack who were standing next to them patiently. Her friend and boss made the first move.

"Oh my god… Karen!"

Grace was looking at her in disbelief. Sure the unexpected pregnancy was a little shock in itself though the complete makeover of her friend was even more surprising. Karen was wearing blue navy Thai pants and a red cotton shirt that emphasized her swollen stomach. She had almost no makeup on and her hair was long now. Actually she hadn't cut it while in Thailand and black strands were brushing her mid-back in beautiful and natural curls. Curiously when you looked at her, you were divided between the feeling it wasn't Karen and the fact she seemed to look like the way she should have always done. Karen was being herself, for the very first time; and you couldn't help but get lost in the sincerity of her soul. She was bewitching, sweetly bewitching. Grace took her in her arms, then Jack; though she never let Will's hand go as if the slightest loss of contact between both would send her back straight to Asia.

"Oh Jackie bear I missed you so much…"

"Dammit Kare, you're pregnant! And wearing bangles!"

Karen laughed, delighted by Jack's comments and the adorable feeling she was finally back at home. A few minutes flew over the flat before the four friends came back to a fluid and natural way of life; the surprise of Karen's arrival fading away slowly, curiosity substituting to the first feelings. They sat on the couch, Karen's fingers still intertwined with Will's ones; she didn't stop smiling, a bit overwhelmed.

"Oh… Do you want to drink something?"

"Yes… Hum… A tea would be perfect, Will."

"I go for it immediately!"

Grace stood up and went to the kitchen, aware of the fact neither Will nor Karen felt like moving from each other's arms. It was the first time she saw them as a couple, it seemed so natural.

Forgetting her jet lag and the weight of a travel during a pregnancy, Karen spent the whole night caressing Will's body, kissing every single inch of his skin. Their love crossed the lines of their respective hearts and got mixed with the sensuality of their movements, the sweetness of their gestures and the truth of their gazes. They didn't say a word but their eyes stayed locked all along as their smiles were embracing their lips, getting lost in their murmurs; their breathless souls. The sensations seemed to be multiplied by the strength of their feelings, as if it were the first time they reached this degree of intimacy; when the impatience of the moment joins the warmness of pleasure. The sun was sweeping away the stars when they finally fell asleep; Will's fingers lost in the curls of her long hair; Karen's bangles resting on her lover's heart, a smile on her lips.


	7. An old new routine

Very slowly Karen found back the routine of New York and she gave up the apprehension that had infiltrated her mind during her stay in Asia. The logic of her roots imposed themselves and so she understood that wherever she went or lived, the culture of North America would always be her references. However the freshness and weight of her latest experiences seemed to invade the base of her identity, creating a soft and unique shade of truth that used to emerge in her slightest gesture. Some things had changed and made her own existence get another dimension that she couldn't ignore anymore. When people asked her about her unexpected behavior, she simply smiled and said that she had just opened her heart. She had also grown up but for some mysterious reasons, she kept it for herself.

Will's finger began to dance with a curl of her hair, twirling around playfully. He loved the way a part of her own body seemed to embrace him, becoming a single entity. Looking blankly at the fusion between the paleness of his skin and the darkness of her strand, he sighed.

"I thought I had lost you."

Karen's smile faded suddenly for knowing too well what Will meant. She had gone through the same patches, felt the same harsh pain and unbearable sensation of dying. She bit her lower lip and caressed his cheek with the palm of her hand.

"You have no idea how I'm sorry…"

Will had taken a day off. As a matter of fact he was accumulating them since Karen's comeback. They needed to catch up all those hours lost in some wrong decision; a mistake for a life. And like a lot of other times, they had ended up in bed where the tenderness of their feelings seemed to reign in a respectful and beloved motion. They were facing each other, turned on aside, mere inches away from the other's body. They could even feel the heat of their hearts beating loud underneath the naked flesh. But it was all about gazes now; gazes and smiles. The weight of her stomach getting uncomfortable, Karen turned to rest on her back. Will followed her and leaned his head against her swollen curves before kissing it, his eyes locked on her own ones.

"So… Is it a girl or a boy?"

Karen smiled, rolling her eyes. Curiously they hadn't spoken a lot about her pregnancy. There were so many things to talk about, so many feelings to share that even the most important ones hadn't come out yet.

"I don't know. I want it to be a surprise though Maliwan doesn't stop saying it's a girl."

Will laughed. One of the first things Karen had told her friends about was The Gold Hand of the Sea, and Maliwan. After all everything depended on those two things, every single reason of all her acts and thoughts. They may have been surprised at the beginning though very soon they had realized that it wasn't that unexpected. Karen had always been sweet, in her own way. She passed her hand in Will's hair, caressing his head softly.

"I have to find a new scientist here, honey, and get a ultra-sound picture. Will you come with me?"

Will leaned on his elbows and kissed Karen's lips tenderly. "Of course I will. I missed the previous ones, there's no way I repeat that another time!"

Karen's eyes glimmered of hope and sadness. She had always been alone for her medical appointments until now. It looked like the coldness of her pregnancy finally warmed up under the renaissance of her relationship with Will and she was moved.

"Thank you so much, Will. Thank you for everything, honey. Thank you for the baby."

She grabbed his neck and pushed him to her lips for a sensual kiss.

Karen yawned and looked by the window the rain pouring outside. To be honest the quantity was far from being as impressive as in Asia but for a couple of seconds she saw herself back in the streets of Bangkok, soaked wet. She loved when the rain was running on her face, she felt so fine by then. The sudden sound of the connection to the web made her jump and come back to the reality of the flat. Her heart began to beat faster as she entered the link and saw the pictures. She couldn't help but gasp, calling for Will, Grace and Jack. The association had finally got the DSL and like in their projects they were constituting a website with the help of the kids, some of them would even take part in a daily blog and Karen couldn't miss that, no matter the distance that now separated her from Thailand.

Excited like a child on Christmas Eve, she showed her friends every single picture, taking all her time to explain its meaning, whom the people were on it. She translated the words written in Thai with a simplicity that surprised everyone in the room. Karen was a mystery, a total enigma. Even in the middle of the worst crisis, she still could find a way to adapt herself and make her life easier if not better. She was talented when it came to adaptation. She sent a text message to Sophie and within a minute her friend appeared online.

"Oh my god…"

Karen swallowed back her tears under the image sent back by the webcam. She had been in New York for only two weeks though somehow it seemed longer; like a whole life. Submerged by the emotion, she nonetheless managed to wave and smile.

"Hi, Karen… How are you?"

"I'm fine, honey! Oh my god I'm so happy to see you! How's everyone?"

"Everyone's perfectly fine. Karen… I have someone for you, here."

Karen gasped when Maliwan appeared on the screen, a bit confused and amused. It was probably the first time he ever used a webcam.

"Sabai dee rue, Miss K?"

"Sabai dee… Khob khun, Maliwan… Kohb khun…"

"How's the little girl?"

"She's fine! Oh…" Karen turned towards Will and grabbed his hand, motioning him to lean over so that he also appeared on the screen. She turned back to the Thai boy, her face resting against Will's cheek. Maliwan winced.

"I'm glad you're back where your heart belongs to, Miss K. Nice to meet you, Will! At last… I thought she would never listen to me! Take care of her, please. She's special for us, here. But I'm not worried about that. Miss K, you look so relieved…"

Karen looked down for a couple of seconds before nodding and locking her eyes in Maliwan's ones.

"I am."

**_Sabai dee rue: how are you?_**

**_Sabai dee: I'm fine_**

**_Khob khun: thank you_**


	8. My family

The heat of June fell down over New York without any warning, the blue of the sky getting lost into the brightness of the sun until the latest hours of the day. Karen had never really minded high temperatures though she found out very soon that being pregnant at this time of the year was a very bad thing. The weight of the baby reduced her gestures to the minimum required while even in the shadows of some tree the lack of breeze was unbearable; a few steps were enough to make her breathless and exhausted. Against all the expectations, and an eventual logic, Karen began to spend a lot of time at the office with Grace, her nape receiving by successive waves of well-being the coolness of the air conditioning. She also developed a strong inclination for long afternoons at Serendipity's with Jack, devouring Strawberry Field sundaes under her friend's amused gaze.

She rolled her eyes in pleasure when the whipped cream came to caress her tongue, the taste of strawberries delighting her whole mouth. Jack laughed, she pouted.

"Oh, come on! Don't make fun of me… This is purely heaven."

"And so cliché… A pregnant woman eating strawberries! But it has never been as cute as the way you do."

Karen blushed under her friend's sweet comment. She put back a strand of hair behind her back and pressed tightly Jack's hand. She couldn't believe that once she had thought she would be able to live without him. Her bangles slid along her wrist and came to rest against her friend's skin. Instinctively he looked down at them and couldn't help but smile; Karen noticed it.

"What's happening, honey?"

Jack shrugged. "Nothing… You're just so different… In a good way, I mean! It's just weird. It's like you're living in another body. You kept the base but changed all the rest. I like it."

Karen didn't say a word, just sighed and settled further on her chair, a hand on her seven-month-pregnant stomach. In spite of the heat she hadn't done her hair and now the curls were dancing around her face, over her shoulders while silver earrings were poking their shapes through them.

"Karen, what have you done with your clothes and jewels? Since you came back I haven't seen the slightest Prada thing on you. Did you change your whole wardrobe?"

Licking a strawberry, she nodded. "Yes I did. I sold my clothes and gave a part of the money to The Gold Hand. I bought new things with the rest. I felt like… Changing. And being myself too."

Jack observed his friend with attention. She was wearing a dark red v-neck cotton dress, knee-length, with a black ribbon to lace up in the back, emphasizing her swollen stomach with elegance and simplicity; matching with a pair of black leather flat sandals. Like every day now, she had almost no makeup on and had replaced her diamond ring with a silver one, an emerald embracing its finesse in the most common beauty; the perfect ensemble with Maliwan's bangles. Jack nodded appreciatively.

"I like your New Age style."

Karen burst laughing. "My what? I'm not a hippy!"

"No, you're a chic bohemian."

Karen scoffed, Jack insisted. "Well look at you in the mirror! You're a sexy mommy!"

"Well if you don't mind, the sexy mommy wants to order another sundae now and draw a line under the size of her hips."

Karen sat timidly on the edge of the armchair, waiting for the next move she would be asked to. Hospitals had always made her very uncomfortable and nervous. She tried to concentrate on the flowers resting in a vase but her apprehension ended up winning over her efforts and she abdicated in a loud and heavy sigh.

"I hate that, Will."

She turned and looked at him, making a face. Seeing how she didn't feel fine, he took her hand, caressing lovingly her fingers with his. All of a sudden a woman came in, her eyes plunged into Karen's file. She looked up and smiled, sitting behind her desk.

"So Mrs Walker, right?" Karen nodded. "You arrive from… Bangkok? Wow. Did you come back just for the birth?"

"No. I'm going to stay here, indefinitely."

"Okay. So I looked at your previous blood results and ultra-sound pictures… Everything seems to be fine! Let's just check that together now."

They both stood up and went to the medical area of the room. Will stayed sat on his armchair.

"So have you been very tired lately? Any headaches or something?" Karen shook her head in silence while the scientist was taking her blood pressure. "Okay you can lie down." The doctor turned towards Will. "You can come too! I guess it's the part you're waiting for, isn't it Mr Walker?"

Will nodded and came next to Karen who giggled and corrected the woman. "He's not Mr Walker. This one stayed in Asia."

"Oh…"

"My name is Will Truman. Nice to meet you."

"Alice Moon. Nice to meet you too!" The scientist switched on the screen and concentrated on the manipulations. "So let's have a look at this baby… You're due in August, aren't you?"

"Yes… August, 7th."

"So… Here's the baby."

All of a sudden the captivating sound of heartbeats filled the room as the image appeared on the screen. Karen looked at it in silence, smiling peacefully. It wasn't the first time she assisted to such a moment though this time she felt in total harmony with the rest of the scene; with her child, with Will. She closed her eyes for a couple of seconds, putting aside the fact she had already missed it twice, and concentrated finally on the present and her real family.

"Do you know the sex of the baby?"

"No… But I don't want to know… Will?"

Karen looked at Will who shook his head. "No, we will wait. Thank you Mrs Moon."

"Please, call me Alice."

After having checked the site of The Gold Hand of the Sea in the evening, Karen came to sit down on the couch, leaned against Will. Jack and Grace were looking at the ultra-sound picture, arguing over whom the baby looked like. Karen stared at them quietly, amused by their comments. She nodded to herself while caressing the bangles on her wrist.

_You're right, Maliwan. This is my family_


	9. The Sound of Silence

She could recognize his eyes even in the purest darkness of a room. She had long learned about the shapes of his hands and the natural feeling that invaded her body whenever she caressed them. All the hours she had spent kissing his skin, brushing it lovingly, it was all engraved on her mind, her heart; and she needed these connections to keep on living. Will wasn't just the reason for her smiles but the spring of her essence and why she was alive. She took a deep breath and captured his lips softly, looking for support and love. She didn't understand why she was so nervous, after all it was a mere logic, an inevitable moment that couldn't but occur more or less soon and the fate of some mysterious junctions had chosen this Tuesday lost in the middle of June.

Will tightened her hand and they both crossed the street in silence. They had made love the exact morning, just a couple of hours earlier. Karen still could feel the warmness of their touches and the peaceful breath of each other rocking the serenity of their love. It was all about intensity and the sensation of quietness spreading its charms above them. They came in the restaurant and she winced, biting her lower lip; she would have given anything to stay in bed with Will and away from Stanley. She smiled at him politely as he stood up and came to kiss her cheeks.

"Good morning, Karen. How are you?"

"I'm fine, thank you, and you?"

A bit troubled by the awkwardness of the situation, a lover facing an ex one, she looked down for a couple of seconds before sitting at the table and ordering an iced tea. Will took out of his brief case the official papers and put them down in front of them.

"Let's just get rid of that immediately."

Stanley nodded. "I agree with you. It's just some formal administration things and I'd rather spend the rest of our lunch speaking about lighter things. Karen, I want you to have half of everything. I saw you in Thailand and I know you will use this money for great causes; the best ones to be exact. Liu and I…"

Karen frowned, confused. "Who is Liu?"

This last remark made the billionaire blush and a Thai woman chose this exact moment to stop by their table, smiling shyly at Karen and Will. Stanley tapped the seat next to him and turned to his ex-wife. "Karen, this is Liu. I met her in Bangkok a few weeks ago. Liu, this is Karen."

Karen almost choked on her tea though a wave of relief, a surprising one, finally made its way through her mind. "Nice to meet you, Liu."

They signed the divorce agreement and the hours flew away until time led them to the door, each couple choosing distinctive ways. Her sunglasses on her head, Karen put back a strand of hair, her curls caressing softly her arms and she smiled at Stanley before hugging him tightly, sincerely. That night when she laid down next to Will on the bed and closed her eyes, filling her lungs with his scent, she came to think that Asia may not be considered as a mistake in her decisions. It seemed her stay out there had been pretty beneficial, even a lot as a matter of fact; for her and Stanley. She fell asleep thinking about the lunch and Stanley's back vanishing at the corner of the street. Lord knows when she would see him again, if only she did. Something got lost in her heart but coincidence made Will hold her tight and she just let it go; slowly, very slowly.

The news arrived a week later through the site of The Gold Hand of the Sea. New laws had been voted against children in the streets and the policemen were cleaning Bangkok without any remorse; a pure violence against minors. They used to wait for the night, knowing perfectly well that they would catch them more easily by then, while they would go out to work, to prostitute themselves and get some money for food, for drugs. It was all about repression, a sort of Tien Amnen after decades of silence; a ferocious repression against children and nothing more. Very soon the whole world began to speak about it and Karen couldn't help but read every single article, watch all the reports that would air on television and an old sentiment of injustice made its way back to her heart. However this time she wasn't alone and so she took away in the whirl of her fight Will, Grace and Jack.

"There's not a lot you can do when you're far from their reality. It's frustrating, honey."

Jack didn't say a word and kept on brushing her long hair slowly. They were sat on her bed, chatting and resting. The baby moved a lot lately and as much as she loved it, she was conscious of the fact that she couldn't maintain a similar rhythm as she used to. Her friend looked down and took a deep breath.

"What happened out there, Karen? You always had your weaknesses though you're strong. You seem to be so hurt for those children. What did you live, there?"

Karen opened her mouth to reply but she remained quiet. She frowned then shrugged. "I saw some things, Jack; some things I could barely explain. I shouldn't have witnessed it because it shouldn't even exist. It made me feel sick and ashamed. I hate being ignorant, it's so selfish. We have no idea how we are lucky to live here, in spite of all the problems of the country. It's nothing in comparison with Asia. Nothing can be compared to it."

"Is it a fight against the lack of humanity or a fight against yourself?"

Karen smiled, raising her eyebrows. Jack was far from being stupid. "Probably both, honey."

She put on a pair of Thai pants, white ones, and grabbed a white linen blouse. There was a soft breeze in the streets that night, a cool wave caressing your nape and feeding your body with fresh air. Karen bit her lip, looking with concentration at the opened closet.

"Will?"

"Yes?"

"Honey, do you think I should take a jacket or something? I don't want to be cold."

Will stepped out the bathroom and wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her temple from behind; Karen couldn't help but smile. For a couple of seconds she closed her eyes and enjoyed his touch and the warmth of his body against hers. That was so addicting. He sighed in her neck, which made her shiver instinctively.

"Well… Take a jacket, just in case. There's no need to be sick."

"Yes, you're right, honey."

Fifteen minutes later the four friends were down in the street, heading peacefully to Times Square. It was a warm evening of June, almost a casual one if only the white clothes poking their bright shades in the darkness of the streets; thousands of people leaving their flats in a respectful silence, a candle in their hands. The White Way smelled of New Year's Eve though the turmoil of the crowd seemed to have slowed down to end up resting; a long ribbon of white filling Broadway while the flames of the candles were dancing in the darkness and the strange silence of New York City. Like the others Karen sat down on the asphalt and leaned against Will, smiling at Grace and Jack; sadness mixed with some hope. Like the journalists would say later, it sounded like May 68 and the sittings against Vietnam War; unforgettable events that had changed a lot of perspectives. The Big Apple, like thousands of other metropolis, had shut down its permanent cacophony and plunged into a white lethargy, asking for peace and human rights in Thailand; it had to cease.

Wrapped in Will's arms, resting against his chest between his legs, Karen closed her eyes in the middle of Times Square, a hand on her stomach; and when the first notes of the song came to her ear, connecting the melody with the rest of the world that took part in the sitting, she thought about The Gold Hand of the Sea and how lucky she could be to have found peace with Will.

_Hello darkness, my old friend,  
I've come to talk with you again,  
Because a vision softly creeping,  
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,  
And the vision that was planted in my brain  
Still remains  
Within the sound of silence._


	10. A Wave of tenderness over my heart

There's a leather armchair in their bedroom, a brown one. Will bought it one day in Brooklyn while he was walking peacefully through the streets with Grace. He had fallen in love with its natural beauty and the charms of its shapes; the years that had engraved their weight in every single inch of its fabric. When the rain was pouring down on Sunday afternoon and the flat had been deserted, Will loved sitting on it, spending a couple of hours in the quietness of the rooms and the comfort of the seat; reading some novel or just daydreaming. You couldn't help but feel safe between its two thick leather arms, a sort of shelter lost among the rest. And Will had never told anyone about it, never confessed his little trick to escape from a stressful routine and a whole series of worries. That's probably the reason why he stopped in the doorframe when on a rainy evening he saw Karen huddled up against herself in the armchair, her head leaned backwards, her eyes closed. Subconsciously she had adopted the exact same position as the one he used to get and she was just dreaming. Were they alike or was it a pure coincidence?

Will came in and kneeled down in front of Karen, smiling lovingly. His fingers caressed the back of her hand and she opened her eyes, leaving the sweet fantasies that Ella Fitzgerald's voice, playing in the background, seemed to have brought to her. She had an obvious obsession for jazz lately. She spent a lot of time listening to the legends of The Harlem Renaissance, letting the music rock her soul in a bewitching motion. Will's hand came to rest on hers, over her stomach.

"If you keep on going this way and it's a girl, we'll have to call her Ella!"

Karen smiled, frowning under the suggestion. "Ella… I kind of like it. Is there any other name you like, honey?"

"Well… If it's a boy we should call him Ernesto Che Guevara, just to match with his mother's fights."

Karen tapped Will's shoulder playfully. "You're just an idiot!"

"Matthew is pretty cute…"

Karen nodded. "Yes, I like it too."

Will sighed, his hands traveling nonetheless up Karen's body until her nape, his fingers lost in the curls of her hair. "I'm not good at picking names. The baby's not here, it's hard."

"I know. Don't be worried, we still have plenty of time for that so let's just think about something else right now…"

Karen wrapped her legs around Will's chest as his lips captured hers in a sensual kiss. Obviously the leather armchair wasn't just good for daydreams.

She let a moan of satisfaction escape from her throat as the coolness of the drink made its way through her body. July was approaching and the heat of the summer seemed already unbearable; if the temperatures kept on rising, she would never survive and live long enough to see her baby. A bit bored she traced invisible patterns on her long ivory linen blouse, playing with the curves of her stomach. She loved the sensation of a finger sliding along her skin. It used to stir up a thousand sweet feelings from her toes to her hair unless it was just the warmness of the caress and the sensation she was cared about. She had missed it a lot through her life and now even her subconscious was claiming for tenderness in the quietest way ever. Her palm finally stopped on a side of her stomach. Karen looked up, fixing firstly the curtains before turning her head to Grace.

"Honey, I'm bored. Entertain me."

Grace laughed, shaking her head. She was highly concentrated on a sketch. "How could I do that, Karen? I'm working."

"You're such a party pooper, Miss Adler." Karen pouted, balancing her feet from right to left. She was sat on an armchair and had lifted her legs on a chair, reaching a state near to heaven when you were almost eight-months pregnant. "Come on… Let's talk about boys!" She flashed a devilish smile to her friend, biting her lower lip in delight.

"Boys?" Grace finally looked up, abandoning her sketch for a couple of seconds. "What do you want me to say about boys except they're all perfect bastards?"

"I don't know… I just want you to entertain me and I'm sure your lack of sexual life could be a perfect pass time."

"Very funny… Well then, okay. Tell me about Will."

Karen sat up and frowned. "Will? What do you want to know about him that you don't already know?"

"I never had sex with him…"

Karen laughed. "Why Gracie, you're a hottie today! I like it…"

Grace grabbed a stool and sat down on it, smiling at Karen. "So truth or dare, Karen?"

This time Karen almost chocked on her iced tea and burst out laughing. "Truth…"

"Is he a good lover?"

Karen scoffed. "Oh Grace, please! Do you think I'd stay with a man who's unable to satisfy me? Come on use that brain you're hiding under this red mountain of hair; of course he is!" Karen looked aside, thinking about her intimacy with Will. She couldn't help but smile, vaguely blushing. Her voice lowered an octave and got the tone of sincerity. "He's the best one as a matter of fact because he really cares about me." She looked at Grace, smiling sweetly. "And this is something that never happened to me before. I feel like I'm considered and respected; loved. It's an unusual feeling for me and it's just so addicting." Karen shook her head, taking away by the strength of her confession and the uniqueness of her love for Will. Perhaps it was just that, happiness; a sort of immense well-being that ran through your whole body.

"Then you're lucky and I'm glad it's happening with Will."

"I know I am…"

Both women stayed quiet for a couple of seconds, lost in their respective thoughts and feelings. Karen finally broke the silence, clapping her hands. "So what are you working on?"

"Well…" Grace stood up and came back to her sketch. "The dining room you ordered me for The Gold Hand of the Sea."

Karen gasped. "And you didn't tell me about it earlier? Are you insane? Show me! No wait, how about I try to stand up and reach your desk for once?"

After precautious and slow movements, Karen finally found back the firmness of the ground under her feet. She came next to Grace and leaned over, observing with attention the drawings. She was biting her lower lip while frowning, her concentration pushing her to a state of respectful silence. Her fingers followed the frames of the perspectives, analyzing the colors and the chosen fabrics. She put a long strand of wavy hair behind her ear, her gaze still plunged in the sketch; her bangles dancing around her wrist. Grace looked at her and smiled shyly.

"You're beautiful, Karen."

Under the unexpected comment, the dark-hair woman looked up at her friend, raising her eyebrows. Very soon she smirked, vaguely wincing. "You're such a big lez, Grace Adler!" But for once she didn't completely rush away from honesty and finally smiled softly at her friend, pressing her hand. "Thank you very much, honey."

Karen sighed and put her arms around Grace, hugging her tightly.


	11. My life with Will

The warmness of the sun came to rest on her cheeks, caressing it softly. She tried to scan the room, the situation, thanks to her feelings; this sensation of well-being that only a blanket could procure in the morning. She finally opened her eyes just to plunge her gaze into Will's one.

"Good morning, Karen."

She smiled back at him, still half-asleep; the sweetness of his voice rocking her heart. She loved waking up while facing him and the softness of his features. It was when she wished they could have stayed in bed forever, forgetting all the rest, letting the world go on without them. And so they would have plenty of time to live their own story. Will came closer and brushed her lips as the back of his hand made its way down from her face to her shoulder, her arm. Karen closed her eyes and let him do. His caresses were soft and so peaceful. His fingers slid along her own ones and as he finally turned his palm against hers, intertwining their hands, his lips warmed up her ear in a murmur of sincerity.

"Marry me…"

Karen froze, opening her eyes widely. Will's head was still leaned against her neck and she couldn't see him. For a couple of seconds that seemed to last an eternity, she stared blankly at the ceiling, noticing the little circle locked between the palm of their hands, the finesse of a ring; and the meaning of those two words he had just whispered in the sweetness of their intimacy. She vaguely moved under him and so he broke apart, his hand finally releasing hers. She looked down at it. A platinum ring was resting in the center, an aqua marine shining brightly under the sun of the morning. Karen began to shake, still unable to articulate the slightest sound. Will leaned down to kiss her palm, locking his eyes with hers for the very first time since his proposal. He slid the ring on her finger as the tears were running down her cheeks. She bit her lower lip and, grabbing his neck, smiled against his mouth.

"I love you so much, Will…"

Karen's wish finally got half-granted. They stayed in bed for what seemed like eternity and she forgot about the rest, abandoning herself to the lovely whirl of her feelings; her love for Will and the baby she was carrying. Somehow it was what she had always wanted, in secret. She didn't like getting lost in the crowd of common people but there were some things, some dreams, over which she had absolutely no hold and the image of her own family belonged to them and would always do.

"I'm getting married…"

Karen looked at her reflection in the mirror of Grace's flat, her words getting lost in the contemplation of her body. She was wearing a pair of black Thai pants matching with a pale blue top that emphasized the impressive proportion that her stomach had adopted now. Some people even thought she was expecting twins. She grabbed a scrunchie and did her hair in a loosen bun, some curly strands escaping from her grip in a cute and unexpected way.

"Yes, you're getting married… To Will… That's so crazy."

Karen turned and looked at Grace sat on a couch. She put aside a couple of bridal magazines and found her way back on the seat, staring reluctantly at the cover of a publication. She sighed and closed her eyes, leaning her head backwards.

"I hate all these dresses, Grace. No matter which one I choose, I will look like an elephant in it, they're horrible."

"Why don't you wait and get married after giving birth?"

"Because I want a honeymoon."

Grace laughed and shook her head in disbelief but it passed completely unnoticed to Karen who kept on speaking.

"And "baby Truman" is cuter than "baby Delaney"."

"By the way have you chosen the name of the baby?"

Karen frowned and cleared her voice nervously. "It's a secret."

"Hum… You haven't found it yet, right?"

"That's also a secret." The dark-hair woman made a quick analyze of the situation and growled in annoyance and frustration. "That's a nightmare!"

"Well, do you, at least, know what kind of wedding you want? Is there any name you like? Some are cute."

Karen shook her head then shrugged. "Something intimate I guess… As weird as it can be I always hated big weddings. I'm not a fairy. You're right though. I should hurry up a little or this baby is going to be born before I make my way to the altar and then I will say good-bye to my honeymoon."

"Anyway you're not allowed to travel anymore so that's not really a problem. Where are you planning to go to?"

"New York. It's a romantic city and anyway, a honeymoon is made for having sex so there's no need to go that far to get laid."

"And how about the birth? Are you… Are you scared?"

Karen turned and looked at Grace, frowning. "I don't think so… No, I guess I'm okay with that. But there's something…" Her sentence stayed suspended, a smile substituting it.

"What thing?"

"Nothing…"

Grace didn't insist and let Karen plunge into her mysterious thoughts, wondering however what it could look like to wander through her friend's brain.

Karen put down Will's old teddy bear and rolled on to her side on the bed.

"Will… I've been thinking about something lately…"

Will closed the book he was reading and laid down on his stomach, coming closer to Karen's body. He kissed her shoulder, smiling.

"What is it?"

"It's about the birth."

"Are you scared?"

"No, I'm not! Why does everybody think I'm scared? Should I be scared?"

"Well, I don't know. It's painful and it will be the first time for you so…"

"Honey, when I say that I'm not scared, I mean not yet. So there's no need to do half of the job for me. Don't be worried, I'm sure I'll be scared to death very soon."

Will grabbed Karen's waist and settled against her, his face mere inches away from hers.

"Then what are you thinking about, Miss?"

She couldn't restrain a smile; she loved when he called her like that. She took a deep breath and locked her eyes with him. "I'd like Maliwan to be here."

Will stayed silent for a few minutes, caressing Karen's head softly. He finally nodded, kissing her nose.

"I think it would be a wonderful idea."

"Really?"

"Yes, really!"

Karen's face lit up all of a sudden and she threw herself in Will's arms, smiling in their kiss.


	12. And life goes on

They stepped out of the flat and she grabbed his hand, pressuring his skin softly under her own fingers. There was something she loved a lot about this simple gesture; the touch of their bodies. They seemed to defy the laws of nature and her arm became all of a sudden the extension of Will's one. The childish part of her persona always fell under the charms of such an idea. It was a new sensation, a unique relationship through which Karen learned about trust and maturity without nonetheless forgetting about her dreams. The rest was pure logic. They never argued, never protested against anything. The whole world could have fallen apart and she wouldn't have minded at all as long as she was with Will. _I guess I'm in love, Jackie. _She had giggled nervously under the evident comment the day before, blushing. Sometimes it was still a bit complicated to deal with her feelings.

Karen couldn't help but wince when they reached the sidewalk, the sun blinded her eyes unexpectedly. She put on her sunglasses and kept on talking to Grace, still holding Will's hand. There was something so pleasant about smooth afternoons when the four of them stayed together, a sort of peaceful routine; the sound and taste of perfection. The baby moved and instinctively her free hand came to rest on her stomach, over her ivory linen dress. As they crossed the street Karen looked down, smiling. She had just realized how and why life was so addicting. After a couple of minutes of indecision, they made their way to Serendipity, abdicating to her whim. A pregnancy could make you get a lot of things. They sat at a table near the window and plunged, almost religiously, in reading of the menu. Karen was laughing at some remark from Jack when she froze, her voice vanishing in a whirl of disbelief at the sound of the name.

"Kiki!"

Very slowly the four friends looked up, anticipating Lois' arrival with more or less anxiety. The last time that Karen had seen her mother, she had lost a couple of millions of dollars; and perhaps also the rest of her self-confidence. She should have known better than to let it happen again though it was always the same and she couldn't resist to the pair of pleading eyes that looked at her with intensity and professionalism. She hated it. Lois stopped and smiled at them before staring at Karen.

"Why honey, we don't come and hug your mom?"

Karen sighed, visibly annoyed, but she stood up slowly and made her way to her mother, revealing her eight-month-pregnant stomach that left Lois speechless; at least for five seconds.

"Oh my god, you're pregnant."

Karen raised her eyebrows, nodding. Both women hugged, maternal feelings resurging brightly into Karen's heart; and Lois was forgiven, one more time. "Yes, I am."

"Stanley must be so proud…"

"Stanley isn't the father. What are you doing here? I thought you were… Well, I don't know."

"I work here."

Karen looked at Lois and noticed that, indeed, she was wearing the uniform of the restaurant.

"I'm not on a break right now but if you wait for me, I'll be available in an hour or so. I'd like so much to speak to you, honey. Obviously you also have a lot to tell me." Lois stared at her daughter's curves, laughing. Karen seemed to hesitate at the beginning, dreading the consequences that a conversation with her mother could provoke. But the baby chose this exact moment to remember her about its own presence and so she accepted. They ate their sundaes as if nothing had happened and sixty minutes later, Karen waved good-bye to her friends as she stayed with Lois, kissing Will softly to reassure him and let him understand that she knew what she was doing.

"I love you, honey."

"I love you too."

She smiled at him and turned around, staring at her mother.

"So where do we go?"

"I don't know, Kiki. Wherever you want, it'll be perfect for me. You may not feel like walking a lot. Are you tired?"

Karen shrugged. "Just a bit…"

"I was always tired while being pregnant…"

"I remember it."

They reached a coffee shop and settled at a table. Lois smiled at Karen shyly.

"Do you want to drink something? A coffee?"

"I'd rather get a tea, if you don't mind. I changed my addictions lately."

"Tea is better when you're pregnant, you're right."

"That and Thailand."

"You went to Thailand?"

"I lived there, yes."

"How long did you stay there?"

"Long enough to learn a lot of things; too long perhaps… I don't know." Karen shrugged. There were so many things that she would have loved to say to her mother but she didn't know how to begin. She finally opted for the most natural one and let the conversation guide her through her confessions: her divorce, Will, the baby, her fights while in Bangkok, her wedding, her fears. It felt so good and right to say everything that she started seeing this unexpected meeting as a sign of fate and necessity.

"This hair…" Lois passed her hand through Karen's black strands. "It reminds me of the last years we lived together, when you were fifteen. I always said you were too feminine to cut it. I'm glad you let it grow that way, you're so cute. However I would have never thought that you would come back to your hippy style… With the bangles and all. Do you remember San Francisco? It was a blast!"

A couple of hours later Karen came back to The Upper West Side, promising her mother that they would keep in touch. Now she was pregnant, it seemed that Lois had changed her perspectives.

"I'm sorry, Karen. I'm so sorry for all the things I made you live."

"It's okay, mom. It's okay… But please, never do that to my own baby."

She let a moan of pleasure escape as he kissed her neck, wrapping his arms around her naked waist playfully. Very slowly her hands slid along his and subconsciously her fingertip brushed the soft metal of his wedding band. She couldn't help but look down at it, fantasizing quietly as she put her own one next to it. Her legs moved in the hot water of the jacuzzi, tracing invisible circles all around them. The place was large though they were stuck in each other's arms, Karen resting against Will, her back leaned on his chest. They had married the day before, an intimate ceremony at an old church lost in the middle of the New York buildings with just a few select friends and relatives. The eloquence of Karen's previous weddings had never matched with her real wishes and it was also the first time that her mother had been there, next to her. She would never forget it. Things seemed to go so perfectly that she felt like she was wandering through a dream. A couple of days before Maliwan had received the agreement from the embassy and so the boy would be in America just in time for the birth of the baby. Karen was due in three weeks; her Thai friend would arrive in two weeks. They had spent a lot of time speaking about this visit on the Web, planning a whole series of activities in order to catch up all the time they had been separated. Karen's life was obviously in New York but she couldn't draw a line under this Asiatic friendship.

She closed her eyes and leaned her head backwards, resting on Will's shoulder. They had finally settled down their choice on The Box Tree, a cozy hotel of The Big Apple to spend their honeymoon at and as far as they knew, they didn't regret it at all. Will's lips slid on the back of her neck and Karen flashed a big smile, enjoying at the most the touch of his tongue on her skin. She intertwined her left hand with his and planted a kiss on it. _Karen Truman… _Those two words hadn't stopped sounding loud in her head for quite a while now and the dark-hair woman didn't seem to get tired of the harmony they produced while together; it was even rather exciting.

"I guess it's raining."

Will laughed against her neck under such an unusual comment in this kind of intimate moment. He stopped kissing Karen's skin and looked by the window, the drops falling softly from the gray sky to the dark asphalt.

"It's probably a storm."

Karen nodded, whispering. "Like in South Africa… There were always big storms and I loved watching them from the French windows of the living room."

"You lived in South Africa?"

"Yeah… A couple of years before my dad died." She shrugged, smiling under the reminiscence of these old memories. "I miss him. I wish he could be there and see how I'm happy with you. If only you could meet him…"

Will made Karen turn so that she found herself facing him; she straddled his lap and wrapped her legs around his naked body. Her eyes locked in his as the back of his hand caressed her cheek.

"I'm sure he's proud of you, wherever he is. He can't but be so proud of you, for all the things you've done and you keep on doing; for the baby. Just have a thought for him and he will know about it."

"And life goes on…"

Karen leaned over and captured Will's lips, their naked flesh getting bright under the lightening coloring the sky.


	13. You're not forgotten

"If you're too tired or the baby weights too much on your arms you still can use a cushion…"

Karen nodded at Lois, sipping her herbal tea while the woman was giving a whole lecture about the first instants of motherhood. As she had promised the day they had met at Serendipity, she hadn't given up her daughter and even spent a lot of time with her, doing her best to give her advices about the life of a new-born baby. And even though she didn't say it out loud, Karen was touched. At last she felt like she had a mother who cared about who she was.

The day before the four friends had finished the nursery, settling everything down for the imminent birth, from the white wooden crib to the diapers resting now in a chest of drawers, waiting for the first use. As Will and Karen didn't plan to move out for the moment, they had simply replaced Grace's old bedroom with sage and peaceful colors; miniature furniture. The place was clear and warm, welcoming. It would be perfect for their child. According to her last medical appointment, mother and baby were fine, looking forward to meeting each other and now Karen just had to rest and wait, as calmly as she could. Subconsciously her fingers began to dance on her silk Thai pants, tracing little patterns on the soft fabric. The curtains prevented the sun from invading the living room but the heat was still perceptible in spite of everything and if it weren't the soft breeze passing through the French window, the temperature would have been unbearable.

She put down her mug and stretched her arms, yawning; doing nothing was exhausting. It was 4pm when everything tipped over. She remembers it perfectly because she had just gauged at her watch when the phone had rung. She was sat on the couch next to her mother, on the left side. She was craving for fresh fruits, superficial whim; so far from the harsh reality that hit her as soon as she answered the call and Sophie's voice came to her ear.

"Hi, Sophie, how are you?"

"Hum, Karen… How are you?"

"I'm fine, thank you! Did you get the pictures? The baby doesn't stop moving, it's quite impressive you know and…"

"Karen… Are you alone?"

Noticing for the first time the lack of enthusiasm and the blank voice of her friend, Karen frowned, lowering an octave.

"No, I'm not. My mother is here, why?"

"Good, I don't want you to be alone… I… Oh God…"

In front of Sophie's obvious hesitation, Karen started panicking.

"What's happening? Sophie, you're scaring me. And… And what time is it?"

"It's 3 in the morning. Karen… I don't know how to say that… I'm so sorry."

Sophie burst into cries before being able to tell Karen about the reason of the late call. The dark-hair woman grabbed instinctively a cushion, breathing loudly.

"Sophie, are you going to tell me what's happening?"

Lois stayed quiet, visibly aware of her daughter's anxiety and fear. She pressed her hand while Karen's gaze looked in confusion at the mug resting on the coffee table. Sophie finally managed to speak, shaken by the emotion.

"The police just found Maliwan near the Chao Phraya, he wasn't fine at all…"

Karen's voice got lost into the anticipation of what she knew was coming, tears welling up in her eyes.

"So he won't come here, will he?"

"No, Karen. Maliwan is dead. It's an overdose, apparently. I'm so sorry…"

Curiously she didn't feel like the world was stopping. Her heart kept on beating, her own breathing still feeding her lungs and the baby's ones too; as if nothing had happened, as if she had never answered the phone and got the news. A sort of icy wave seemed to run through her veins but it only lasted a couple of seconds and then she broke down into pieces, crying against her mother's warm body. But still, she hadn't died. Was it better? Seeing how the pain of such a sorrow could be, there was nothing less sure but anyway, she had no hold over it.

Will rushed out the office as soon as Lois called him and within half an hour he was back at the flat, hugging Karen tightly, his hand caressing her back. She hadn't moved and was still crying but he sighed of relief when he saw that apart from her deep grief, she seemed to be fine. Such a trauma could determine a lot of tings when you were due in two weeks. Nobody, not even Karen, would have been able to explain her own behavior. Was it about courage or the exact opposite? A kind of abdication under the strength of life and its indestructible power? Or did she just do it for her own child… A life was over but another one was about to start. Nobody could say, not even now, though for once Karen didn't ignore anything. She simply did her best to face the tragedy and how time kept on passing by because it was how life had to be. She took a bath, had dinner and spent the evening next to Will. Of course she was sad, after all she was mourning a child but she never let her sorrow win over her heart. She never felt lonely by then, perhaps it's the reason why she handled it that well.

"I like this one."

Karen nodded at Grace, looking at the picture she was holding. She was sat on Will's lap, looking up dreamingly in her ivory satin wedding dress, balancing her feet subconsciously; her chin leaned on the palm of her hand. "I like it too."

"Maliwan would have loved it."

"Yes he would." Karen smiled, vaguely laughing under the reminiscence of the Thai boy. "He would have said that I wasn't looking in the right way, one more time, because Will was just behind; holding me as he always does. Maliwan could have seen the symbol of love in cheese if he had wanted to."

"And your dress is the cutest thing I ever saw. Who's the designer?"

This time Karen burst out laughing, shaking her head; rolling her eyes. She could have replied with some typical comment of hers though she chose to play the sincerity card. "Thank you for that too, Grace. You did an awesome job and Lord knows I'm not the easiest client you could get."

Grace looked down at the green lawn of the park, listening to the children screaming of delight in the background. It was a smooth afternoon at the end of July; the sun was shining brightly in a limpid blue sky. "How about we sit down on the grass? It seems so fresh…"

"Then I hope you have enough strength to help me when it comes to stand back on my feet."

"No problem!"

Both women sat down and very soon slid along the grass, Karen resting on her back, Grace on her stomach.

"Oh God…"

Grace frowned, staring at Karen, a bit scared. For quite a while now, as soon as the dark-hair woman started one of her sentences with such an expression, everyone was afraid her waters had just broken. "What?"

"I can't even see the bench from where I am… My stomach hides it. It's a disaster."

Grace sighed of relief, giggling. "Pregnancy fits you very well, you know. As unexpected as it is, maternal style seems to be made for you. You never looked so… Alive."

Karen turned her head, her long hair getting lost in the green of the grass. Her hand began to wander all along her swollen stomach, over her pale blue top. She smiled at Grace.

"I owe it to Maliwan."

Her thumb brushed the silver bangles on her wrist and she thought about him.


	14. Give sense to this world

Karen turned off the computer, the last pictures of Maliwan still dancing in front of her eyes and she sighed, sitting next to Will on the sofa. She knew too well how unfair some situations could be, like the death of a child lost into the sharp world of drugs; she just hoped it wouldn't last or affect her own baby. She hadn't really overcome the loss of the Thai boy but she had opted for a different vision of things; she wasn't resigned, just vaguely taken away by a truth she had no hold over. Subconsciously her lips brushed Will's ear and very soon her hand came to caress his face. She needed warm feelings and the sensation of being there, alive. It's just a matter of connection between two entities; the fusion of love and a eternal hope, a last dream. Will turned his head only to capture her lips and lay down on top of her, very slowly. The sweetness of his gestures comforted her bittersweet memories into a lovely whirl of smiles and sighs; moans.

_I fell in love with every single inch of your soul; the way your eyes can shine whenever your heart is pleased. It can be a word, a simple smile or just the thought you're not alone. Have you ever checked how many stars there were in the sky? I spent a lot of nights counting them but the tears used to make my vision blurry, settling down false results. I've been told there was a little diamond per wish and seeing how my imagination controls my life, it's probably the reason why I owned so many precious stones; necklaces, rings. I needed an artificial light to exist but now I'm in your arms, I prefer the honest simplicity of your soul. I don't even need to hope, I know it will last; no matter where you are, with whom. I was born to feed my blood with your charms, Will. And nobody will ever take that from me._

Later in the night Karen took Will's hand and led him to the terrace. Looking up at the sky, she smiled and started counting the stars; lost in Will's arms. There was a new one that she had never noticed before, a very small one though the brightness of its light seemed to call for someone. They finally came back inside and Karen fell asleep against Will, thinking it might have been Maliwan.

"Hurry up, Karen, or we're going to be late!"

Karen poked her head out of the bedroom. "Jack, you can't ask a nine-month-pregnant woman to hurry up. I'm sorry but it's just impossible, honey." The dark-haired woman disappeared again. "Will, where are my sandals?"

After twenty minutes of unbearable wait, Grace and Jack welcomed Karen's arrival into the living room with a whole row of applause. They could at last go out and even be on time for the concert in Riverside Park. August had finally made its way to imposing its heat and annual exile from Manhattan but for once the four friends had no choice and for obvious reasons, they were meant to stay in town, trying to take the most of the summer festivals. It was a smooth evening through which the smell of barbecue got mixed with the coolness of the breeze and the exhilaration of the end of a sunny day when the skin is still so warm and we feel fine. They crossed the street and passed the gates, the brouhaha of the crowd getting louder as they went further into the park. They turned at a corner and reached the seats, musicians were already onstage; it would starts within a minute. They sat down quietly, Karen laughing with Jack hysterically over some silly remark. The lights turned off and the audience welcomed the band with great enthusiasm; after all Simon and Garfunkel were as rare as old records now. They belonged to history and the youth of the four friends.

Karen smiled at Will, obviously thrilled by the event and let the music take her away. She was wearing a dark red silk Thai dress but even in this large and comfortable piece of clothing, she wasn't fine at all. Something bothered her and she didn't know why. Nonetheless the songs passed by and Karen enjoyed every single second of it. At the intermission she made her way to the bar with Jack and as she was about to come back to her seat, sipping her iced tea when she found herself facing Beverly Leslie.

"Well, well, well… Karen Walker learned about reproduction!"

"Let's just hope I won't give birth to an ugly gremlin like you."

Both friends stayed quiet for a few seconds before hugging sincerely.

"So when are you due?"

"Three days ago."

They spoke for a while and as Beverly Leslie was going away, Jack looked at Karen, horrified.

"Oh my God, Karen!"

"What?" She stared at her friend, frowning and confused.

"You're peeing."

"What? Hey, you little queen, I'm certainly not…" At this exact moment Karen felt a warm liquid running on her legs and her last words got lost in her throat. Very slowly she looked down in disbelief. "Jackie? I guess my waters just broke."

"Oh my God, you're going to give birth."

Karen sighed and pouted. "Yeah well we will see about that after the second part, okay? There's no way I'm missing it. The last time I went to…" She didn't have time to finish her sentence that a sharp pain ran through her back. She gasped and swallowed hard, surprised by the contraction. "Okay so we may change our plans and head to the hospital like… Right now."

After having found Will and Grace in the darkness of the park, they hailed a cab and made their way to the hospital, Karen concentrating on the streetlights and the strange sensation that giving birth was bringing to her soul.

"Will… Call my mom, please." Between two contractions Karen thought about Lois and realized for the first time how she could need her, in spite of everything. Her friends may be there, supporting her as they always did though sometimes a daughter just needed her mother; it was as simple as that.

The truth is that a labor can last a very long time. No matter when your waters break, you're not always close to the deliverance. And that's a thing Karen learned that night. She got a lot of time to count the stars she could see by the window, to look with disgust at the common sheets of the hospital and to feel the tiredness take possession of her body. Lois was there, next to Will and it's around 7 in the morning, while Jack had finally fallen asleep that they turned a page of their life to begin a new one. She didn't really feel the pain because her mind had focalized for quite a while yet on all the things she had lived until now; and her love for Will. What would it change to have a baby?

She fell down on her back, sighing heavily. She was breathing loudly, sweat running on her forehead. She looked at Will and rolled her eyes, letting him understand that she wasn't about to experiment it that soon. But everything flew away when she heard the baby crying, her own child. All of a sudden her eyes looked for it until the midwife turned and Karen found herself holding her daughter in her arms.

"Do you have a name?"

Karen looked at Will and nodded.

"Yes we do. Maliwan."


	15. Epilogue

Epilogue.

The impatience had finally reached its apogee at the same time the last hours that separated Karen from the day she hadn't stopped thinking about were vanishing slowly, second by second. She knew she would never manage to fall asleep that night so she simply used the sensual moonlight to share a sweet and nonetheless intense moment with Will. After all now they were parents, they couldn't just close the door behind them and succumb to their caresses whenever they felt like to. It didn't work that way anymore though there were other compensations like Maliwan's giggles and the strength emanating from their own family. Karen hadn't found out about motherhood, she had only accepted an evident reality; the one from her heart.

They left in the first hours of the morning when everything was still a soft whisper, like a gentle lullaby we would hum to get back to sleep because the land we dream about is appealing and warm. They said good-bye to Jack and Grace before settling down in their seats. Karen smiled as she leaned her head on Will's shoulder; Maliwan on her lap. The reminiscence of the last time couldn't help but rush out from her soul and with it the thousands of feelings she had been emerged by; the sensation she had missed the lines and had been wrong, no matter it was too late and she wouldn't be able to go back. But this time it was different. She wasn't alone. She had Will; and Maliwan.

Will stayed astonished in front of his wife's adaptation. He observed in disbelief how everything seemed so logical and evident to her; she respected the slightest detail that characterized the life out there, her behavior matching to perfection with the scene and if it hadn't been the color of her skin and her Caucasian features, she would have passed unnoticed through the daily crowd of the streets. Karen looked down by the window of the hotel room, trying to connect her feelings with the world she was observing. Everything seemed so alive outside, so warm and far from the aseptic shelter of the hotel. She would have preferred to go where her heart was but it was a surprise and she didn't want to mess it up like that. She smiled when Will passed his arms around her waist from behind and she leaned against his chest.

"There's so many things I want to show you here; so many things I used to tell you, in my mind when you were far from me and I assisted alone to it. There's a life beyond this river, The Chao Phraya it's called. It's where the businessmen earn their millions of dollars without paying attention to the misery spread at their feet; all those children dying of starvation, prostituting themselves, having fatal bad trips. I want to take your hand, Will, and lead you through the outdoor markets and all these places where tourists don't dare to go because they're scared of the reality of this country. They want entertainment and sun, they don't care about authenticity. They don't care about nothing but themselves and it's disgusting."

Will kissed her head. "Then let's go out, Karen."

Karen nodded and broke apart their embrace. She tossed her linen top on the bed. "Give me one minute, honey. I want to change my clothes."

Fifteen minutes later they stepped out of the hotel, Maliwan sleeping against Karen's chest, wrapped in a big multicolored scarf. Her gaze scanned the street from right to left and, taking a deep breath, she grabbed Will's hand, holding it tightly. They walked for an hour or so, the memories coming back to Karen's mind as vivid as if she had never left, never come back to New York and opted for another kind of life. The immensity of her emotions was such that her face, lit up by a huge smile, could darken within a second under the weight of troubling images that still haunted her heart. But she was proud to be able to face them with calm. She owed it to Will. How the things would have been different if they had never kissed, never let their desires take possession of their bodies; never crossed the lines of their friendship. They finally reached a red wooden door with golden letters on it. Karen's fingers brushed them slowly before opening the door and coming in.

As she had guessed, the children were playing in the patio, enjoying their break between two classes. The place seemed full of life, now; drawings hung on the walls, a friendly atmosphere embracing every single visitor who entered the building. The first person she saw was Sophie. Her friend turned around and, speechless, looked at a woman standing in the doorframe. She knew her features so well, like the purity of her heart. Her hair was even longer and the curls seemed to brush her lower back, now. She was holding a sleeping baby whom must be one year old now; a man was standing next to her, his fingers intertwined with hers. She was wearing a sari, the exact same one that the one she was wearing the night they had met for the first time.

"Oh my God…" Sophie's comment made the other adults turn around and nobody hid his surprise. "Karen!"

Karen smiled and the first children suddenly noticed her presence. "Miss K!" They rushed in her arms as she squatted down, hugging them tight. Karen as much as the children were looking for contact, their skin brushing hers in a powerful attempt of truth and be sure it wasn't just a dream, some hallucinations.

"What's the name of the baby?"

Karen looked at a little girl and stood up, her eyes locked in the ones of the members of The Gold Hand of the Sea.

"Her name is Maliwan."

And Karen plunged back into the welcoming embrace of the Thai children. For a couple of seconds she looked at Will, smiling.

_Thank you for everything, Will. Thank you for having taken me into this lovely whirl. I love you so much, honey._


End file.
